Testing: 1, 2, 3....

From the University of Maryland School of Medicine website

This picture is similar to the hearing testing room I was in, except that to me, the rooms were very dim..

Well, I had my one-year mapping last Friday, Oct. 30. Actually, it was postponed two months because my audiologist was on maternity leave. So now all my appointments will be two months behind. For the not-so-cochlear-implant (CI)-savvy, a mapping is basically an adjustment to the programming of a CI. What we, the CI useres, hear changes-sounds may become too soft so the maxed volume of 9 on a Cochlear Freedom can be adjusted to a normal volume at 6 and I can increase or decrease the volume when I need to. There are also certain sounds that are too sharp or too soft and the trained audiologist can set the programming so that sound and speech is comfortable to me, the CI user.

Tests Galore

I was put into a sound-proof area. It’s very dim in there and I had to sit in a chair facing a large speaker. The room is larger than most sound-proof areas. There was a big window where I could barely see the audiologist in the other room.

I was given a series of tests to see if my hearing remained stable or improved. Since I am bimodular (wearing one CI in one ear and one hearing aid-HA- in the other ear), I was told to take out my HA. The first hearing test was to see where my range of hearing was with certain tones. I believe they remained in the 20 decibel range. Then I was given various word and sentence recognition tests.

I’ve always hated the one-word tests the most. There were no other words to support what I heard. Is it duck or buck? Is it worm or warm? I did the best I could with those and when the recorded male voice (in optimum circumstances-no interference). The recorded voice said the word “ready” before each word I had to repeat. It went like this: Ready….duck….ready…wall…ready…bark. and so on. There was a pause between each “ready” so I could repeat the word I thought I heard.

Then I had the sentence tests. I was warned that some of them didn’t make sense or was too vague. Every time I listened to a sentence, I repeated what I thought the sentence was. I would get sentences like these: Mother shut the window. They watched the train go by. The mailman shut the gate.

I had two kinds of HINT (hearing in noise tests). One was staticky and the other was like listening in a crowded restaurant or bar or something like that-with a lot of conversations going on at the same time. I had tricky, vague sentences or ones that didn’t make sense, such as: They discussed the frog. She made the bed with cream cheese. She considered the (insert word). That test, I only had to repeat the last word of the sentence. Most of the time, I’d hear the rest of the sentence and then…huh?...what’s that word? They considered the what? I didn’t have anything to help me predict the sentence. That was the plan, of course.:)

Some of the tests, I was told to put my HA back in my other ear to see how much I could hear with both the CI and the HA.

After the tests were done, she said I pretty much remained stable with little improvement from the previous appointment in May. Most of my test scores were in the 90% range.

The single word tests? It was 60%. A big jump from my pre-CI test. I scored 0% in the pre-implanted ear and in my HA ear it was 32%, I believe. So that’s a big improvement in a year.:)

The Mapping

She had new software in her computer because of the newest FDA-approved model (Nucleus t)that Cochlear Americas came out with in the last month or so. So she had to feed the new information into my speech processors. I still have the Cochlear Freedom model. I’m happy with it and only had it a year. It would cost too much to upgrade to the Nucleus 5 anyway. It’s not too different except for the slimmer size and the remote. Who knows what new model(s) they'll come out with in the next 5-10 years? It'd be silly to upgrade every time a new model comes out. That's like buying a new car every two years or so. Why do that if it runs great?

After that was done, she did some changes to the programs. The Freedom has four programs. She put the volume 9-it has 1-9 volume control- to a 6 in program one (P1) and had increased volume in P2 and P3 was the focused listening program for zooming in on the person in front of me and cutting out background noise, and P4 remained my music program with a little bit of more volume.

So now, I have an 18-month visit (really 20-month), then the 2-year one and then once a year after that. I can’t help but relate my mapping appointments to well-baby routine checks. You get a lot of baby check ups in the first year and then they start to space out so it’s about once a year. In a lot of ways, my “new” ear is a baby. It is only a year and three months old.

It’s been worth it and if I had to do it again, I would.

My Baby Girl

I thought I'd poke my head in the blogosphere doorway and say "hi" and get you caught up a bit.

As I made this post, I did a lot of walking down that proverbal memory lane. Take a walk with me....

Here is "Onyx" at four months old. We just got her at the shelter. She had an ear infection, eye infection, tummy troubles, and since she was just dropped off that day at the shelter, she was spayed. The shelter waived the three day adoption process and let us take her home right away. She had a lot of healing to do.

I LOVE this picture. It just melts my heart. :)

She always squeezed herself into spaces when she didn't have leg room. Sometimes she forgets that she was a grown up dog and still squeezed herself under the kitchen table, among the legs of the chairs. If she wanted to get out of there quickly, there was a lot of banging and chairs moved.

Now fully grown at a year old, she had to recover from a bout with roundworms. She lost a lot of weight. She bounced back, but was always tired out. She had her "inner puppy" moments and got playful, but they were rare.

Now at two years old, she lost a lot of weight again. She was even more "dogged" than usual. Several trips to the vet revealed a low red blood count. She was prescribed doggie vitamins. It helped some to get her "pep" back. But, she still didn't have much of an appetite. She lost 12 pounds over the summer, down to about 46 pounds. Not good for a lab. The vet didn't feel any tumors and suggested an ultrasound and maybe surgery if the ultrasound showed anything like lymphoma. But...it was expensive and we couldn't afford that route. We tried different dog foods. She refused to eat it dry. Nothing was wrong with her mouth or throat. We didn't know if something was blocking her intestines, but she did do her "bathroom job" okay. Her dog food got mixed in with some canned Alpo and she ate that, but she was only eating 1/2 cup to 1 cup a day. For a lab, she was supposed to be eating 3-4 cups a day.

Here are pictures that were taken about a month ago.

The front porch was one of her favorite spots to hang out. She loved to look around the neighborhood. She went nuts when a kid was nearby. She loved children and being petted by children and adults alike.

You'd think she was in her own "jail" and we kept her prisonor. Many times if she was loose outside and I couldn't find her, she'd be on the porch, of course.

Here is mom and "Onyx".

In the end, we didn't want her to suffer a starving death. The vet suspected liver disease.

RIP, baby girl.

Mommy loves you and misses you.

Blindophobia

As a young child, I remember seeing a person use a cane and thinking to myself, I am glad I just have a hearing problem. Blindness must be worse.

Of course, little did I know that I would have a vision deteriorating disease that would slowly eat away at the edges of my peripheral world. But I often think of my thoughts and how I may have cursed myself. But maybe that’s what everyone else thinks, too. An automatic, incomprehensible thought of being blind is scary. A darkening world is not something you want to voluntarily live in or wish on someone.

Now that I’ve really let more people know I have vision issues just by using the cane, I noticed a lot of things:

Some people “assume” you are blind.

Children are curious. They stare. They probably don’t realize that I can see them and they continue to stare. Sometimes I want to explain, but I don’t. I have to keep going in the direction I’m headed.

Some have no idea what the cane is and what it’s for. I’ve had someone ask me if that was some kind of metal detector. I kid you not.

I’ve seen adults look at me, the cane, and look away quickly. Like they don’t want to stare or they feel uncomfortable. (I know I would have felt some unease around a “blind” person if I didn’t know what I do know about it.) Some ignore me completely like I’m not there. Some smile. Some look into my eyes as they pass me. Some smile. Some look at me and continue to watch, like a curious child. I guess it’s a novelty. You don’t see a caner every day. (Unless of course, you shop and work with someone who works or shops at the same time you do.) I want to mention, too, that when I smile back and meet their eyes, they kind of blink, surprised. I keep going and let them think whatever they want. I know I’m not faking it and I would not want to call attention to myself by using a cane. That’s just not who I am.

I’ve noticed how some people just don’t know what to say. The other day, a gas station cashier looked at me and my cane and I tried to lighten things up by asking, “Aren’t you going to ask me if I ‘have gas’?” I only got a faint smile for that one. I just wanted to show her I was okay with it.

I just want to say this: Don’t be afraid to say, “I see, “ or “See you later”, or even if they’ve watched any movies lately. It’s normal every day language. By the same token, you don’t have to avoid saying things like, “Hear, hear” when you agree on something or “I heard about that” to a deaf person. It’s just part of conversation. A deaf person wouldn’t take it seriously or literally.

There are some people who know that I don't see well and hear well and they don't know what to make of it. I use the cane in unfamiliar places and where I know a lot of people will be. I don't use it at church or at the school and I must confuse people because I look like I can see and hear.

I have found people to be more helpful. They’ll move a stroller or cart out of my path. Not all of them seem to be “blindophobic” or ignorant.

As I encounter each gradual loss of vision, I learned to adapt, maybe consciously as well as unconsciously. You stop driving in the dark because it’s harder to see. You drive only during the daytime hours. Then you avoid left turns except at streetlights and 4-way stop signs. You avoid backing up as much as possible. You drive on the outskirts of parking lots to avoid shoppers going to their cars or to the store. You find that it’s easier to park at the farthest side of parking lots where it’s least populated and you can drive straight out when you are ready to leave. Soon the “whiteouts” (the adjustment from to the bright sun as you step outside or as you make a turn into the rising or setting sun) affect your daytime driving. You notice that the lengthening shadows of the trees that line the streets make it harder to see in the late afternoon because it’s darker that way. Then you concede that it’s not safe to drive anymore and hang up the car keys for good. You go through a period of depression, then you look into learning to use the cane and use city transit or taxis. You even turn to friends and family for transportation. You learn to ask, ask, ask, and it’s still hard to ask. But the sores a person can say is “no”. So you try again. It keeps me humble.

Other adaptations include scanning with your eyes as much as possible. You do this by moving your head left to right because you can’t just move your eyes. The periphery isn’t there unless you move your head to get that “periphery” into view. You can sit at the table and see your cup, plate, utensils, and dishes of food. You scanned the table. You know it’s all there, though you can’t see it all. The brain seems to make up for the “phantom vision” that isn’t there. You act “sighted” and look “sighted”. You really aren’t ready to be “blind” though you do mention it to co-workers and family and friends. You familiarize yourself with areas so you can move around. You scan, see a chair, and avoid it.

After awhile, more of your vision is constricted, narrowed. You can almost see the spotlight of your vision, with the darkened rim in the edges of your vision. You see something like ripples of water, continuously lapping into the central vision you have. It shimmers, rippling like water, but it’s like it’s stuck in motion. Other times this area is just void, a nothing. Nothing is there. It has no color, like a very thick piece of plastic you can’t see through. In the dark/semi-darkness, that “empty” periphery is spotty, like “snow” on a TV channel that’s not working or aired at that time.

Similar to "snow" in the dark

You start to notice that you need larger font point sizes to read better or get reading glasses. You notice that some colors are harder to determine unless you put it right next to each other for comparison. Is that navy blue or black? Light yellow or lt. pink? Brown or hlack? Maroon or brown? You stop buying things in navy blue and stick with black. The list is endless.

Yet here I am, using the cane. I am not any different than anyone else except that I use a cane and wear a hearing aid and a cochlear implant. I am at a crossroads again. How do I label myself? Deaf-blind? I can hear some and see some. It’s easier to say I have low vision or tunnel vision than it is to say I’m blind, because I still have useful residual vision. I can hear with my CI and my hearing aid, yet without them, I am deaf. I can’t hear anything. I might feel things (vibrations), though. An airplane or a helicopter can fly overhead and I will not hear it unless I have the CI and hearing aid on. I don’t have perfect hearing, though.

It’s easier for me to accept my deafness because I grew up with it. Children are resilient. They bounce back and adapt. This is what they know. But my vision loss was gradual and I know what I used to be able to see. I used to play hide and seek in the dark. I used to go swimming in the dark. I used to drive in the dark. It was hard to accept that I can’t see in the dark as well as I used to. It was hard to give up driving. It was like this insidious eye disorder was taking away more than my sight, bit by bit. It was taking away more things I used to take for granted.

With the vision I have now, I could live with it for the rest of my life if I had to. I’m here, living with it. I’ve talked with others with Usher syndrome and retinitis pigmentosa and they all have different stages of vision loss, some worse, some better than others. I cannot comprehend losing more vision, but I know it’s possible and though I don’t want to admit it, it will get worse. I’ll be lucky if it stablizes for a long time.

I must think about other things like learning Braille. Maybe in the future, I might consider a guide dog, but right now I am satisfied with the cane. It’s something I can fold up and put away if I have to. I can’t do that with a dog guide. Not for vanity issues, but just to sit down at a restaurant or something. I don’t want to have the cane sticking out from under the table or something. A dog is always there, for potty breaks (and clean up), exercise, and feeding. I might change my mind later. I don’t know.

I know that I’d like to get better lighting in the house, too. The structure of my house is built so that most of the windows are on the north and south sides and it doesn’t filter in enough light. Cloudy days are best. I can draw up the mini-blinds and it’s just enough light. On bright sunny days, it’s too much, too strong and I would prefer to adjust the blinds so that they are almost pointing up instead of flat. It keeps the direct rays of the sun at bay. It’s funny with this eye disorder, it’s hard to see if it’s too bright or too dark.

Again, I don’t know how I’ll adjust if it progresses. It’s scary, but I guess I’ll adapt and just live with it.

I have my own “blindophobia”. I don’t want to get any worse. I have to leave it in God’s hands. He knows what He’s doing. There’s a purpose for it. He wouldn’t give me more than I can handle. I must be strong enough. It’s scary, though, but I like to think it keeps me close to Him, depending on Him.
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I am not alone.

Let's Roll

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I’ve been going for walks to the waterpark, library, nearby stores, and just walking the dogs. I’m not regularly doing these things, but they add up. I just grab the cane and roll.

About a week ago, I was walking Onyx and I usually, by habit, look ahead as I walk to make sure nothing’s in my path. But I was distracted by Onyx’s constant stops to sniff at something. (I really don’t WANT to know what she’s sniffing.) Anyway, as I rolled the cane, I hit something. It was an empty garbage can that was tipped over, with its lid lying on the sidewalk. Had I not bumped into it with the cane, I’d have been sprawled all over that lid, cursing and everything, not to mention getting scraped up.

Another incident: I was at Staples. I was looking at some school supplies and I turned away from a display and proceeded to walk forward. A mother quickly grabbed her toddler who was in front of me, muttering “sorry” to me.

To ME. ad I not had the cane with me, I’d be the one saying “sorry” to her as she gave me a nasty glare.

I've had to 'roll with the punches", too. The cane can hit a rut or an uneven tile of sidewalk (even a thick growth of grass growing between the tiles) and I get jabbed in the stomach. I can't Teflon coat my stomach. I got a few bruises on my stomach. So, since other caners tend to hold the cane farther off the side by the hip to avoid the rut-gut incidents. I've been trying it that way while sweeping more to the right to make up for it.

Coming out with the cane, using it, was a very scary thing. I didn’t want pity or people staring at me. But the more I use it, the more I ignore the stares and let the cane do the talking.

I might be able to go around things, like in my neighborhood, without the cane okay, because it’s familiar to me and get by. But I think about the unexpected things, like the garbage can, and the cane comes to my rescue.

It’s funny how it’s becoming a part of me, like my hearing aid. I don’t leave home without it. Well, except for going to church. I did take it with me a few times, all folded up, but the kids pretty much guide me through the sea of people standing around talking. This morning I didn’t take it with me, though. The Hubbymobile dropped us off in front of the church and he picked us up in front, too. There wasn’t a whole lot to look out for. The crowd of people thinned down as we waited.

I’ve been taking the bus with the kids, taking them to the dentist and the mall. Sometimes the Hubbymobile takes us, too. Lately, when he has time and nothing planned, Hubby will offer to drive. (It’s still hard, even three years after hanging up the car keys, to ask for rides.)

Yesterday I had the opportunity to meet a fellow blogger. She picked us up (the girls and me). along with her three boys, and took us to the theater. We watched G-force. This theater isn’t open captioned and while I knew this, I wanted to see how much I’d get with the cochlear implant. I didn’t realize how much I depend on my closed captioning. They kind of work together…with me listening, reading, and watching the shows on TV.

This show was animated. It had talking guinea pigs. I was getting some of it, but not all. We made the mistake of sitting closer to the screen. So I was looking at less than half of the screen at one time, missing some action in the other areas. (The TV screen is much smaller, so I don’t miss as much action.)

To explain how I’m seeing, I’ll compare it to a flashlight. You aim the flashlight at a tile of sidewalk. You aren’t going to light up the whole tile when you are holding it one foot away from it. Back up a bit, about five feet, and you will get more “light” on that tile of sidewalk. My tunnel vision, or rather, “funnel” vision that I have works about the same way, I can see more of things when I am farther away from it. The closer I am to something, the less I can see of it.

This is why I prefer to have people sign to me farther away and closer to their face. So much of sign language is visual and the hand(s) can be “out there” and I’m missing things. I pretty much watch the face (facial expressions, lip movements, etc) while they sign to me.

Sorenson VP 2oo

On a last note, I got a VP (video phone). It is connected to my TV and I have my own number. When I get a call/make a call, a deaf person is on TV (similar to the web cam on a computer) and we can communicate in sign language. Sometimes I have a hard time seeing signs on the screen, though, because it might be too bright and/or too shadowy. I try, though.

I've noticed that the TTY isn't really used that much anymore. The VP calls are free and much more cost-efficient. Makes sense (cents) to me.

On the home front, Flare is all done with her color guard stuff. Summer is winding down. It’s been an unusual summer. Some days were too cool followed by a few hot days. It seemed like Mother Nature was blowing hot and cold all the time. But lately, the weather’s been great, not too hot, and not too cold. Just right. Like a Goldilocks kind of summer.

I can’t believe that in three weeks, the kids will be starting school again. Soon books and backpacks will be the norm again. And lots of paper!!! Notes from the teachers and weekly updates will be crowding the refrigerator door again.

Angel has been keeping herself busy (and sometimes me, too) with swimming and playing. Two new kids moved in the area, both girls, both around her age. So she has a handful of kids she can choose to play with when one can’t.

Well, that’s all for now. HUGS.

Out of Touch

I know it’s been awhile. I keep saying that over and over, I know.

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There isn’t a whole lot I can add to the caning lessons except that I’ve crossed a six-lane road at a busy intersection. That was scary. I learned that it’s good to time the traffic lights to see how long it takes to cross the street and how much more time you get when you press the button thingy to get the lights to change-it also gives you more time to cross the street. I have to look out for designated right turn lanes.

I’m moving on to learning to schedule bus rides. (I’ve had to throw out the negative thoughts I’ve had about buses-that poor people or people who have had their licenses revoked use them and how it makes me look “poor” or that I’ve had my license revoked. Obviously, with a cane, people would know that I was using the bus because I really can’t drive.)

It’s pretty much common sense. I’ve had to look at the bus route and see where the nearest and safest walking route (no jaywalking and making sure that there is a street light or a 4-way stop is at an intersection nearest my destination). I’ve also had to make note of where the bus route is “outbound” (leaving the depot/transfer zone) and inbound (heading back to the depot). Everything is about timing. How long does it take to walk to the bus stop? When does the bus usually get to a certain bus stop area (you can also wave to the driver if there is no bus stop). There may be two nearby bus stops, but I would have to see if it’s inbound or outbound (depending where I want to go and how much time I want to spend on the bus).

My life will always be about scheduling and even though I may still have to wait for a ride, it’s the next best thing to getting rides from an obliging friend/family member, whether (s)he feels obligated or wants to help) for appointments and such. A taxi isn’t always as dependable as a bus. You know the approximate time it will swing through; taxis may make you wait longer depending on their passenger list, but it’s also a whole lot cheaper to use a city bus.). I’ve always been a patient person, but during the past three years that I’ve given up driving, I’ve found limits to my patience when I’ve had to wait for a taxi for an hour or having to work around someone else’s schedule just to get a ride. The only “on a whim” transportation I have is walking-walking to where I want/need to go.

Most of the time, it seems like I “fall into step” with the cane without thinking about it now. I might be out of step if I duck from a tree branch or hit a crack in the sidewalk or something, but I correct it and get back into the “swing” (or rather, roll, because I use the rolling tip) of things again. When I do “fall out of step,” the tune to the song “Out of Touch” by Hall and Oats drifts into my mind, only I’m mentally singing, “I’m outta step” instead of “I’m out of touch.” LOL.

Flare is loving Vanguard. She is a color guard and she does fancy routines with a flag in parades. She enjoys the camp-like feel to it and she’s made new friends. I admire her for doing this. I have stage freight. I feel very uncomfortable being in the public eye. She has no qualms about that. I wonder if she’d do presentation-type things with little nervousness, too? She’s song and acted in front of a crowd.

She is a typical teenager. Parents have to “get with it”. I like my fanny pack (or rather, I called it my tummy pack because I wear it over my stomach not my fanny) and lately, I’ve worn it on my hip because of the way I hold the cane in front of my stomach. Besides , who wants to add 1,319,429 inches to her waistline? Heh, heh. Flare, though, calls it the “granny pack” because only “old” people wear that these days. I like the “hip pack” (I tell her it’s “hip” LOL) because it keeps my hands free when I’m looking at things and the purse straps always bugged me. I’m not a purse person. I nearly always forget I have a purse with me because I rarely take it everywhere with me except when shopping. When I’m shopping, I don’t set the purse down anywhere. When I go somewhere else, I’m so used to not having a purse with me, I forget I have it. I try to avoid that as much as possible now, that’s where my “hip” pack comes in. No more “forgetting” my purse; it’s attached to me.

I’ve been trying to keep Angel busy by going swimming or going to the library. The neighbor kids come over looking for someone to play with.

Both dogs had their birthdays in May. Topaz is a year old now and Onyx is two. When I take the dogs for a walk, I take turns with them. I prefer to take Onyx first because she’s easier to handle. Topaz is a very strong dog who just is in “alert” mode continuously. He sees a rabbit or a bird, he’s in a listen and wait form. There are times when a dog would bark at us because we are walking by its territory and Topaz would just spin me around in a circle. He’s all bones and muscle. The leash would limit his advance and by twisting me around in a circle, he’d knock into my legs. I have a nasty reminder of that-a huge bruise on my calf. Ugh. I get bruises for a lot of things. Years ago, I had a coffee/cocktail table in the living room. I got rid of it because I kept banging into it. (I don't miss it, either, because it's amazing how much less cluttered the living room looks without a coffee table in front of the sofa.) A few years ago, Hubs moved a boat trailer in the driveway. It’s right in the walking path to and/from the back deck to/from the back door. Yep, you guessed it. I tripped over the trailer by the hitch and got a nasty open wound on my shin. Yes, it was getting dark. Yes, I probably should have started caning lessons a long time ago, but I wasn’t mentally ready to “come out”. During the past year, I just knew that I had to get going on that and just get used to it and accept the vision loss and let the cane “speak” for me.

Speaking of letting the cane “speak” for me, the other day, Flare and I went to the grocery store, split the grocery list in half (actually, it was more like 75/25). That saves so much time that way and it was the first time I brought the cane to this particular store. I nodded at people and said “hi” to some of them. I watched them stare at me or look furtively away immediately after seeing the cane. One lady started up a conversation with me about spaghetti sauce. She looked at me in the eye and I looked back at her. I don’t know what she thought. She didn’t look confused or accusing. I just assumed that maybe she knew someone who had similar vision problems. Who knows? I felt that she wanted to ask, but was afraid to. (When Angel had a dentist appointment, I could see how the dental assistant tried to keep her expression free of confusion, so I just told her that I had tunnel vision and that since I couldn’t see anything below my nose, the cane helps me from walking into chairs and stuff I don’t see.) I could tell she wanted to ask.

So, when Flare and I got to the check-out and started loading the conveyer belt a Hamburger Helper box was getting crushed by the cashier. (I had no idea what was happening; I was busy putting things out of the basket. Flare told me what happened when we got home.) At first, I was loading this on one-handed because the cane was in my other hand. Somewhere along the line, I just set it against that conveyer thingy and loaded things with both hands.

Anyway, while the box was being crushed, a woman was watching that box and looking at me, like, why aren’t I going to “rescue” the box? She caught sight of the cane and reached around to move the box. (Remember, I had no idea any of this was going on.)

Ah, so, the cane speaks louder than words. I didn’t have to feel stupid not “seeing” the box get stuck. Lancelot (what I named the cane), my knight in shining aluminum spared me from looking stupid or rude. Thanks, Lance. J

(Of course, while this was going on, I don’t know why Flare didn’t take care of it, too? Of course, she was probably farther away from that box than I was, because I was in front of the cart and she was behind the cart..

Well, that’s it for now.

My White Knight

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It’s funny where thoughts lead me

Remember how I came up with a name for my CI (cochlear implant) ?. I was thinking about rabbit ears, then I remembered Peter Cottontail, a children’s book about a rabbit. So Pete (or Petey) was the chosen name, and as an added bonus, if Pete were to have a brother…a CI in the other ear…it was going to be named “Repeat”. Pete and Repeat... (I remembered some joke about twins with that one, but I don’t remember how it went, though.)

The cane will be like an extended arm. It will warn me of obstacles in my path. In a way, it’ll be a bodyguard of sorts, my knight in shining armor, er, aluminum-all decked out in red and white, so it’s easy to see where my thoughts lead…I came up with a name for the cane. I was thinking that name of a knight would be fitting. Meet…Sir Lancelot (or Lance, for short). And it has a double meaning because it “lances” a lot. Yep, another male name. Heh, heh. (A result of too many females in my house??...heh.)

The fourth O&M session was somewhat a review of staying in step, crossing streets, and listening to parallel traffic. That can be a challenge. The instructor stressed that it was important to wait till the car that passed us to be out of earshot so an oncoming car wouldn’t be drowned out by the passing car. There were also lawnmowers to consider and if that were the case, then you’d have to wait till it was the farthest from you. The world is a noisy place and I pick up things differently or may not hear sounds at the same distance others do. I have a hard time singling out a sound. In a bar or at a wedding, the TV or jukebox/band/DJ would overpower anything else I want to hear, like conversation. So lawnmowers may beat out the noise of a vehicle. I am so used to using my vision to “hear” for me and I tend to “see” what I hear, if that makes sense..

The fifth and sixth sessions were pretty much review-making sure I use nearest parallel traffic as my cue to start walking across the street at two- and four-way stops and at traffic lights, whether there’s a signal for left turns or not.

I now have another cane, a fiberglass telescoping cane. It’s very lightweight and until the next session, I’ll have to make a decision whether I want to keep this one or the folding one, which is aluminum, btw. I am so used to using the folding one. I was also given three different rolling tips (each one larger than the last) to try out and see which one I like best. Rolling the cane versus tapping the cane makes a big difference in feeling the texture of the sidewalks (dips, cracks, or just worn down and full of tiny bumps). I even feel the cane go off the edge a curb more. But, it’s harder on my hand. I FEEL the vibrations as I roll it back and forth. I still tend to swing more to the right than the left so I’ll have to watch for that. I do like the fact that I’m not getting the jabbing into my stomach as I hit a crack with the tapping method, because the tolling tips go over the cracks better. So many things to try out.

Coming Out

A few days later, on a late Monday morning, I took the plunge. I got a hold of Onyx’s leash and Lance and took a stroll in the neighborhood. It was a bit nerve-wracking because not everyone in my neighborhood knows about my vision problem and would be confused or not understand why I was using a cane. I figured I might as well get used to it. Onyx was surprising good, staying close to my leg on the left side. She “heeled” very well. I was proud of her. I didn’t try it with Topaz. He tends to pull yet and I didn’t want to deal with that.

Some of the neighbors were out and about. One lady had her dog out, unchained. Before I was aware of it, she called her dog to the door. I looked up at her and she said, “He’s just behind your dog. Now he’s going to come by me.” It was strange to think that she felt she had to describe what the dog was doing. I could see him, but it only reinforces my belief that the public needs to be informed that not all cane users are 100% blind. There were lots of lawnmowers out. People relaxed during the weekend and maybe most had evening shift jobs. I did my “listening” for traffic, trying to weed out the sounds of weedeaters (pun intended) and lawnmowers. Then there was a garbage truck. Slow moving. Big road hog. Noisy. I pretty much used my vision to see if there were no vehicles coming before crossing a street. An older man was outside and saw me. He said that it was a beautiful day and “you enjoy your beautiful walk.” Again, the assumption that I couldn’t see anything and that he chose his words “beautiful walk” instead of “beautiful scenery” or something. I did have an emotional moment with that one, but I kept going. Onyx walked with me without a hitch.

Two days later, I braved it and took the plunge again. I saw a neighbor I talked to often. I don’t think she was aware I had a vision problem because I walked the dog(s) often. It felt weird. It’s going to take some getting used to, not only for me, but for those who knew me casually.

I am always getting jabbed into the stomach by the impact of the tip getting stuck into a crack in the sidewalk. The cane bends like a fishing pole.

(This is another thing about me: I’m left-handed. I write with my left hand. I eat with my left hand. I used to play tennis with my left hand. I scrub with my left hand. But pretty much everything else, I do with my right hand. I bowl, shoot darts, and use the cane. Weird..You know that saying about how left-handed people control the right side of there brains and right-handed people control their left side of their brain…well I guess I’m only half in my right mind. Heh..)

Oh, I had another “Close Encounters of the Magnetic Kind” moment.

I was hanging the wash on the line and whaddaya know, I bumped my head on the clothesline and ol’ Pete decided to pop off my head and attach himself to a clothes pin. It was one of those plastic ones with the metal clips that holds it together. Well, they are MAGNETIC!! It was like scolding a wayward dog or child or…(dramatic pause here)… husband. “Come on now. You have to stay with me. “.

The other day, Flare was practicing her music and the high singing pitches (soprano) were getting to me. So I just turned off my hearing aid and demagnetized my CI. Isn’t that great? A whole new meaning to “selective hearing”....just turn everything off so I don’t have to hear it.


Hear, Hear.

I had my 9-month map earlier this week. I am pretty stable with my hearing, word, and sentence tests. There isn’t much to report here. I had the volume pumped up a bit more for the first two programs (P1 and P2) while P3 (focused listening) and P4 (music program) stayed the same. I did get the high pitches back, thus the sharp “sss” sounds when people say the “shhh” words. I’m just playing around with that again because things sound kind of “flat” without it. I’m hearing the details of the dogs walking on the floor again-padded paws along with their toenails clipping on the floor.

I still hear different birds chirping, but until I know which bird is what, I couldn’t tell you which ones they are. LOL. One day I was sitting on the porch, just looking around (or zoning out, lol), I hear a weird bird. I’m like, is that a duck?? Where is it? I’m looking up at the phone lines, rooftops, etc. Here Hubby was standing in the doorway behind me, using his fake duck call thingy he uses for hunting. I’m sure he got a kick out of that. Ha.

Okay, will try to make my blog rounds when I can. I’m so behind on everything again. Emails galore!!! I’ve been pretty selective with emails.

I've Got My Groove Back

rehabmart,com

The most recent session (No.3) was even better than the last two.

I learned some going up/going down the stairs techniques with the cane.

I still had a problem with my start up. No, not like a person who doesn’t know how to use a standard stick-shift vehicle, but I tend to take a big step with my left foot and swing too far to the right. That made me “off-beat”. (Now, now, be nice. I know what you're thinking- that I’m a little off-beat anyway…) Talk about starting off on the wrong foot…wait...I take that back, I DO start off on the right foot (actually, it's the left foot, but I degress), but I have to work on my first three steps. Hopefully, that’ll be worked out asap. I was also afraid to tap the cane too hard. I need to loosen up more, too.

I was encouraged to walk faster if that would help me stay in sync. It did. At the beginning, I still couldn’t tell when I was out of step. I was concentrating on my leg moving to the opposite direction of my swing, but I couldn’t focus on that. I was told that when my left foot landed, the cane should tap on the right side and visa versa. Suddenly, it clicked. It was easier to focus on my left foot landing at the same time the cane tapped on the other side. Whoo-hoo. (Patting myself on the back.)

I've got rhythm; I've got the groove. I'm marching to my own beat. Like I said before, just a little but of work on the first three steps. I'm hoping to fix that before the next session.

The instructor took me to an intersection that had 4-way stop signs. We worked on crossing the street. (Yikes, I don’t want to think about crossing the street with street lights yet. I know the day will come and I hope I don’t freak out. LOL.

I got to keep the cane this time. That must be a real good sign, eh? I practiced it on the upstairs/downstairs techniques so they’d stay fresh on my mind. I haven’t really gone outside to practice yet. I like to walk the dog(s) and it would be difficult to simultaneously walk the dog and cane (it sounds weird, but I’m trying to use the word “cane” as a verb.) at the same time. I guess I just have to go without them.

On the home front: Not a whole lot of news at this point. (This mom needs to get a life. LOL).

Both girls are so looking forward to the end of the school year. This mom is, too. All those papers they bring home!! I am not talking about homework, either…aacckk. I’ll be glad to get a break from that. But it also means another step up the school ladder, another year, another grade….it just seems the older the girls get, the faster time flies. (No, I will not go there…you know, the older they get, the older I get…)

But summer break also means finding a replacement driver for Angel. The driver who currently picks her up from school won’t have a need to go there anymore because her daughter will be moving on to the high school. (Sad face). I’ll look through Angel’s yearbook and start calling other parents. Some kids stay after school for extracurricular activities so it narrows down my choices. (And I really appreciate the driver making an extra trip to the school after school because her daughter was active in afterschool activities. That was super nice of her.)

Now that the weather’s been nice lately (with no on-again, off-again winter surprises), Flare’s been riding her bike to and from school again. She can do that at the beginning of school in the fall. Hopefully, by the time winter (oh no, that "w" word again) rolls around, a neighbor kid will acquire his driver’s license and she can start riding with him. I’ll have to worry about her getting rides home during football and basketball season, though. (Note: She can take driver's ed this fall, but she won't be 16 till the summer of 2010.

I’ll be getting my 9-month map for my CI (cochlear implant) next week. (I can’t believe it’s been nine months already!!) At this point, I don’t think I need any tweaking done on the CI, but maybe it’s subtle and I don’t know it. Kind of like the RP progression: It’s subtle at times and by the time I notice a drop in vision, I’ve adjusted to it somehow. I do remember a lot of things I used to see well, like stars and fireflies. Speaking of which, they will be out soon. I can just see Angel squealing with delight over the bugs with built-in light bulbs, and I will just live vicariously through that moment with her. :)

Speaking of marching to a beat I mentioned earlier, Flare looked at my cane and wanted to try it out. I told her how to grip it and-without even getting into the “n’sync” chorographic details, she took off like a natural. I couldn’t believe it. She was “in step”. Of course, she’s a color guard in Vanguard. She knows how to march and follow the beat. She knows a thing or two about “footwork”.

That’s it for now. I don’t want to make this post a long one (like the other one), which I could have made into two separate posts. Oh, well.

Talk to you later.